Kiss Goodbye to MS

The National Multiple Sclerosis Society are running a campaign at the moment called “Kiss Goodbye to MS”

The aim of it is for you to “kiss goodbye” to a luxury item or bad habit for a day/week or month to raise money and awareness for MS.

I figured this is the kind of challenge I could get involved with right now so for the whole month of May I’m kissing goodbye to……. Coffee.

Coffee to me is both a luxury and a bad habit.

To be fair I don’t drink huge amounts of coffee but the coffee I have is never just black… Usually its deliciously combined with some form of frothy milk and sugar or syrups.

It has also become my little treat to myself either when Isla goes to have her nap or when I’m commuting.  It signifies that little bit of “me time” for the day.

What was I thinking?!

Last week I was really struggling… I was tired, feeling sluggish and my brain was not functioning very well at all.

This probably had as much to do with me not being 100% as it did cutting out the caffeine.

I’ve been really debating on whether to share what’s been going on the last couple of weeks because it embarrasses me.  But the whole point of this blog is for me to be honest about juggling life with MS so here goes…..

I’ve been struggling with bladder issues that could either have been a UTI or MS symptom related.  I’ve had tests at the hospital and still waiting for the results so actually cutting out the coffee and just having water has also been a bonus.

It has also served as a reminder of why I’m taking part in the challenge this month.

For me there are certain symptoms I can live with and manage pretty well.  Bladder problems is one of the ones I was dreading most.  The damage to my nerves means that when this flares up I have no warning about needing to go to the toilet – it’s immediate.  I find it humiliating & stressful.  It impacts every part of my day to day.

It also affects how I deal with my daughter and this is the thing that upsets me most.  I’ll have to urgently go to the toilet.  She’ll be taking her own sweet time to come down the stairs and wont let me help her move quicker so I lose my patience with her.

It isn’t her fault.

None of it is.

This is about the only time I really get down about juggling MS & motherhood.  It is inevitable that my health will deteriorate quicker than I’d have liked.  There might be times that Isla will have to grow up faster to be able to help me out when I can’t quite help myself.  There are days when I can’t do the things I want to with her because I don’t physically have the energy.

I feel an endless amount of guilt around the fact that I chose to have her and this illness will no doubt impact her in many different ways as she grows.

But she was a choice.

A choice Ash & I didn’t take lightly and even though she may have added responsibility as she gets older I hope that it will teach her compassion and understanding of others.

So I’m 8 days down, 23 to go….. I’m hoping to raise £100 to go towards research and raising awareness.

You can help by either sparing a couple of quid or by posting a kiss on the palm selfie with the #kissgoodbyetoMS

Every little thing helps!  I’m so incredibly lucky with the specialist support I receive but I know not everyone has the same access and I’d love to do my little bit so that someone else managing this difficult disease can have the same help as I have.

Thanks kids xx


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