Impossibly Me

 

This is one of my favourite Audrey Hepburn quotes and part of the inspiration for the name of my blog.

I decided to start this blog because I’m currently taking a course and it has left me questioning who I am as a person, what my values are and what my goals are for the future.

I’ll be honest – I have no idea!

 

 “The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives.  Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t”

Read more: Baz Luhrmann – Everybody’s Free (to Wear Sunscreen) Lyrics 

 

In the last three years I’ve been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, got married to my soulmate, had a baby and moved into our first family home.  I also lost three men within 6 months who I loved dearly and they’ve each left a hole in my heart.

In all that time I’ve just been focused on getting through each day the best I can and trying to keep my little family in one piece!  I haven’t had time to think about what’s next.

I should feel comforted by the fact that not really knowing what I’m doing with my life at 32 might make me interesting but in reality I’m a planner.  MS has turned my world upside down because I know for a fact that my health will inevitably deteriorate much quicker than I’d hoped but one of the many joys of living with MS is that is it effects everyone differently and so far I’ve been extremely lucky with my symptoms.

I don’t think I even realised it at the time but my mindset changed when I was diagnosed.  As much as I don’t want it to change how I live my life it definitely has.  I don’t set goals and challenges for the future like I used to because I can’t guarantee I’m going to be ok for those plans.

Now I feel like I have a better understanding that no one can know that they are going to be 100% for all the things they plan for themselves in future so I have to stop being so scared of setting myself up for a fall.

The biggest obstacle I face is that if I do too much it massively affects my symptoms which can put me out of action when I least expect it.

impossibly

ɪmˈpɒsɪbli/
adverb
  1. 1.
    so as to be impossible.
    “every task seemed impossibly difficult”

For me it’s all about trying to find the balance.  The work/life balance.  Constantly juggling what you want to do and what you need to do to make it through the day.

Sounds simple enough right?

Sure…. if you don’t consider the constant battle with yourself about whether the decisions you make aren’t just the right ones for you but also for your family, friends and your career.

Every single decision I make regarding raising my daughter I question myself.  I feel a massive sense of responsibility that every one of my actions has a huge impact on this little girl and the woman she will one day become.  Given that she is about to turn two I definitely do not have the patience to make the best decisions every time!

The aim of this blog is for me to be honest.  It’s one of my biggest strengths as well as a huge weakness but I think it might be the only thing I really know how to do.

I want to talk about the daily struggles of trying to find the work/life balance, raising a toddler & coping with MS while I try and look after myself and my health a little bit more.

I want to be honest about the ups & downs.  The things we don’t talk about and conversations we should be having about life, love, loss and learning to be the best version of myself.

So this blog is about me taking some time out of an impossibly busy life to try and figure out where I’m going.

I hope you join me in this latest adventure to find out!

Lucy x

19 thoughts on “Impossibly Me”

  1. I always admire anyone who is willing to say ‘my life is very different behind closed doors’. Let alone be public about it.

    Thank you xxxx

  2. Beautifully written Lucy. We are all around you for support and love you very much x can’t wait to read more x

  3. Hi Lucy, my hubby has Parkinson’s, but he is twice your age however my advice is take each day as it comes and feel blessed. You have a gorgeous family and a positive attitude so you keep going girl x x

  4. Wow wow wow…. My amazing friend… Beautifully written looking forward to sharing and joining the adventure with your writing… and of course always here to share with a bottle… ot two… You total inspiration you … Love you Lots
    Tasha

  5. I have this quote in a frame on my wall , it good to remind you that anything is possible not impossible . You are and have always been a very brave and wonderful person , this is the next step for you and will help and touch not just you but all who continue to read . Looking forward to fabulous word from the inspiring LUCY xxx

  6. You should be incredibly proud of yourself for everything you’ve achieved, even against certain odds.
    You stand, you fight, you win – and we stand with you.
    Love always x

  7. Lucy, you say one of your biggest strengths is honesty. Well another one is what an amazing friend you are to so many of us.

    In return for your loyal friendship you get a massive network of support. Make sure you take full advantage of that network . We are all here for you and I personally look forward to watching and supporting you in the next chapters of you life.

    One thing I know is you’re going to kick ass in whatever goals you set.

    Great start to the blog, look forward to the next instalment.
    Big Love
    Hannah

  8. How can it possibly be twenty years since I last saw you??? However I have been pleased to hear of you during this time. MS is so unpredictable that it is hard to predict the future. I have a friend who was similarly diagnosed about ten years ago and it impacted heavily. Now, although there have been several periods of illness, she trains regularly and now competes in runs and triathlons.
    I’m sure that you will find your own path through all of this (you always were such a thoughtful and sensible girl) and I look forward to further reflective and honest blogs. x

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